Die Lebendsliste
by DarkRose Dilettante
Summary: "The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." Shinku gives up everything to gain everything. Wishes can't be granted without a price, but she looks back and finds that it was all worth it if it was done in the spirit of love.
1. Prologue: Langeweile des Kaninchens

**Ok, I really shouldn't be doing this, abandoning exam studying and stuff, but I can't help it! The idea for this was just floating around in my head for ages now and I think my head is going to explode if I don't whip out my laptop and start writing something NOW. So yeah. I did. At four o' clock in the morning, no less.**

**This will be a longer multi-chapter fic, which I don't usually do. No, scratch that, this is probably one of the first continuous fics I've done that will probably be longer than five chapters. So yeah, I feel like a newbie right now...**

**I'll still be updating for _Love Letters_ of course, as well as for this. The next chapter will probably be this Friday/Saturday when I finally finish my exams, the last of which are on Thursday. It'll probably come out after my 'D' chapter. And the ending for this is going to have tragic bits. Bit please don't let that put you off because I, as the author, guarantee a happy ending. Even though some stuff is going to happen that will probably make some people hate me for a chapter or so...**

**Also, this is probably extremely random, but WHOOT! Pop out the champagne in celebration, according to the numbers on the archive, this fic is the 300th Rozen Maiden fic. I feel honoured XD **

**Wow, *looks back at author's notes* I just realised how long I've been ranting. Well, enjoy the prologue, though nothing much really happens, and I'll get back to trying to frantically memorise Commerce notes ;_;**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rozen Maiden or any of its characters.**

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_**Die Lebendsliste**_

**Prologue - Langeweile des Kaninchens**

_**Boredom of the Rabbit**_

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_You will find as you look back upon your life_

_That the moments when you have truly lived_

_Are the moments when you have done things_

_In the spirit of love._

- Henry Drummond -

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Boredom, Laplace mused one day as he drifted aimlessly through the field of N, must be one of the only real threatening enemies he had. It could very nearly be fatal.

The anthropomorphic rabbit was a being that, much like Rozen, transcended both time and space. Unfortunately, living a life with no real prospect of death meant that his existence lost the thrill, the desperate excitement that came with mortality. He had all the time in the world and nothing to do with it. Unlike those humans, who had to rush to be able to fit everything in their short and transient lives.

Still, Laplace considered, he'd always managed to find entertainment in watching the struggles of others. He was a connoisseur of games and riddles. He loved confusion and mystery, fragments of the truth unfurling bit by bit like an intricate spider's web. This was how he spent his time; laughing at the ignorant, amusing himself by toying with others, playing with Fate. Oh, the look on his victim's faces when he spouted those meaningfully meaningless puzzles, that feeling when he gloated down at their befuddled expressions, thinking _if only you knew_…

He liked to think of himself as an artist; he lived for the exhilaration of watching the riddles he spun unravel themselves like woven tapestries. Laplace could not predict the future; but that was where the fun lay. It was like writing the beginning of a story and letting someone else write the rest of it. The players wrote their own ending. He merely initiated and observed.

Normally, though, Laplace would have found himself amply entertained by the proceedings of the Alice Game. Rozen's search for perfection provided more than enough ground for what would almost definitely turn out to be a fascinating show. The Rozen Maiden dolls themselves were utterly intriguing, the way they seemed nearly human in the way they experienced emotion. Their actions would usually be a source of great amusement for the anthropomorphic rabbit.

Recently, however, things seemed to have changed. It was like the stillness following a storm; after Laplace's previous intervention in the Game, it was as if everything had died down flat. After the fake Enju doll was vanquished and Rozen restored the remaining four Rozen Maiden still eligible for the title of Alice, instead of continuing to fight as the demon rabbit would have wished, the dolls seemed to have resumed a long and dreadfully uneventful state of stalemate.

Even Suigintou had ceased in her ages-old pursuit of Shinku's Rosa Mystica, and now spent more time peeling pieces of apple with her sickly medium than trying to kill her sisters. Kanaria had always been a rather dull one to Laplace, and he rarely bothered taking notice of her.

No, what interested him more was Shinku and her medium. Sakurada Jun, a truly curious boy. His skill was more than enough to match Rozen's, and with a bit of training, there was no doubt that Sakurada was quite capable of being the great doll-maker's successor. But even more interesting was the growing relationship between the boy and his contracted fifth doll. Laplace was no fool; it was quite plain for him to see that the feelings growing between the proud doll and the Sakurada boy were more than just a medium's affection, or a servant's loyal devotion.

Unfortunately, though, nothing much was happening at the Sakurada house either. That would have to change.

Laplace chuckled – a sure sign that trouble was on the horizon. A door appeared before him, melting out of the darkness of the N-field, and swung open, revealing an image of a bright, cosy living room. Shinku was sitting there next to Suiseiseki on a green couch, speaking to her medium. Laplace watched as she flicked her head to the side, her long curls flying through the air and landing an impressive smack on the poor boy's cheek. Looking more closely, another two figures caught his eye. The lifeless bodies of Souseiseki and Hinaichigo.

There too, was another possible source of amusement for him. After the Shinku and the others had returned, Souseiseki and Hinaichigo's Rosa Mysticae were left wandering in the endless expanse of the N-field. Kirakishou had found them, but she held no interest in them, and so had entrusted them to the rabbit.

Laplace occasionally played chess, or engaged in some other form of amusement with the seventh doll of the Rozen maiden, but spending so long cooped up in the N-field had turned her a little strange. She alternated between abrupt fits of unsettling insanity during which she would laugh and giggle crazily for no apparent reason at all and rampage across the N-field, ravaging and destroying anything unfortunate enough to be within her reach, only to subside just as suddenly into times of relatively peaceful normal behaviour.

Experience led Laplace to conclude that she was usually just best left alone, unless she approached you first. She was also one of the few that he didn't speak to in riddles. They shared an odd sort of acquaintance; they weren't friends, but they weren't enemies either.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Kirakishou herself unexpectedly appeared out of the darkness and stood beside Laplace, watching the scene through the door expressionlessly. She spoke softly, obviously in one of her periods of normality.

"What are you plotting this time, Laplace no Ma?"

The rabbit merely continued to observe the Sakurada living, where Jun was now handing Shinku a cup of tea. His scarlet irises flickered across the Souseiseki and Hinaichigo's bodies, an action not unnoticed by his companion.

"I do not _plot_, Kirakishou. I merely _begin_ the theatrics. After that I just watch the players create their own tragic tale."

"Are you going to return those lost souls?" the seventh doll asked, watching her sisters with a gleaming yellow orb. The pale white rose in her other eye shifted out of its socket as if to peer inspect the image more closely.

"Perhaps. You have no objections?"

Kirakishou's one eye flickered with something like irritation.

"I wanted a body. One of those bodies would have been fine."

"You know as well as I do that your Rosa Mystica would be incompatible with the other Maiden's bodies."

Rozen had discarded Kirakishou's physical body in the process of making her, and had instead created her Rosa Mystica to be slightly different – more powerful than the others' so she could exist with a form in the N-field. Unfortunately though, because she was a creature of no substance, she had no way to leave what had effectively become her prison. The other dolls' bodies were unsuitable for her Rosa Mystica – it would quickly reject and probably destroy any physical form and revert to its original state in the N-field.

"Oh, don't sulk, Kirakishou," Laplace murmured. "Something fascinating is about to happen." He glanced at her sideways. "Who knows, you may gain something out of this."

Kirakishou's mouth split into a wide, disturbing grin, her eye glinting with anticipation. The rose trembled disconcertingly in its socket. A frightening giggle bubbled up and escaped her lips.

"Be sure to give me a good show, Laplace."

The demon rabbit let slip a rare full smile as he stooped in a sweeping bow, and she knew for certain.

Things were going to get very interesting indeed.

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**Ok, so both Kirakishou and Laplace were probably really OOC just then. But then they're both two characters that I rarely write about, and I wrote this in the ungodly hours of the morning when I probably had no idea what I was writing or doing, so please go easy on me ;P**

**And also, the bits about Kirakishou's Rosa Mystica were introduced quite early. It'll be explained more in later chapters, the role of the Rosa Mystica as well as how Kira-chan's is different to the others.**

**Otherwise, bye for now~! Commerce calls for me...**

**Thanks for reading~! :3**


	2. Chapter 1: Einsamkeit der Puppe

**Whoot! Exams are over, managed to not fail that badly, and I have returned to the world of fanfics with more updates and a brand spanking new name! No, I haven't been usurped by an evil twin, I'm still _cherryblossomroses_, just with a new name, as explained on my profile, so no big dramas or heart-attacks :D Of course, those who wish to can still call me cherry :) Otherwise it's 'Dilly'. I may change back some time in the future. Maybe. It's refreshing.**

**Meh, not the best chapter I've written. It's just mainly a filler for background info, setting up the story and all that stuff. It'll get going along next chapter, I think. XD**

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**Die Lebendsliste**

**Chapter 1 - Einsamkeit der Puppe**

_**Loneliness of the Doll**_

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_You will find as you look back upon your life_

_That the moments when you have truly lived_

_Are the moments when you have done things_

_In the spirit of love._

- Henry Drummond -

* * *

_THWACK!_

Sakurada Jun groggily blinked open his eyes to find himself staring into a pair of clear, sky blue eyes gazing impassively back at him. Mumbling something incoherently, he turned to go back to sleep when a second healthy '_whack_' resounded in his ears and a sharp, stinging pain quickly spread across his cheek.

"What the hell was that for?" The boy sat up fully awake now, his hair ruffled and resembling an odd bird's nest with tufts sticking out here and there. Scowling, he rubbed his reddened and sore cheek, glaring at the petite doll who stood beside his bed. Shinku, fifth doll of the Rozen Maiden, merely stared stonily back at him.

"You're late," she said flatly, and held up her teacup. Suddenly panicked, Jun flung the covers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

"_CRAP!_" Jun launched himself across the room, hurriedly grabbing bits and pieces off his desk, books, pens, pencils, and stuffing them messily into a bag. "I'm going to be _so_ late…" he mumbled. Shinku watched him as he almost tripped over his chair trying to reach a notebook that was lying on top of his keyboard. After a few minutes of frantic rummaging around his room, Jun turned to face the doll.

"What?"

"Um, aren't you going to get out? I kinda need to change…"

Shinku regarded him coolly for a few moments, her lips curling slightly in an expression of mild reproach.

"Stupid servant," was all she had to say, before striding out of the room with her nose in the air.

"JUUUN! WE'RE GOING TO BE – oh, there you are. Tomoe's waiting at the door." Nori smiled brightly at Jun as he flew down the stairs, buttoning his shirt and tugging on his blazer.

"Hey," Jun greeted Tomoe standing in the doorway, "just a few more minutes? Gotta make tea…" he disappeared into the kitchen, muttering under his breath and Tomoe couldn't help but let slip a smile. Even though he was running late, making Shinku's tea was something he wouldn't even think of missing.

"Here." The doll wrenched her eyes from the television and watched Jun as he set the tray and tea set down on the coffee table, before pouring out the tea so hurriedly he almost spilt it.

"You are really quite clumsy, Jun," she observed mildly. He turned to her, wanting to make some sort of comeback, when he noticed the enormous, dusty book sitting in her lap. Peeling golden letters in some foreign language – German, it looked like – were stamped across the cover. It was so thick it almost looked heavy enough to crush her little doll's legs as it teetered precariously on her knees when she leant forward to pick up her cup.

"Research," said Shinku, noticing Jun's stare. Her eyes involuntarily shifted to the two still figures sharing the couch seat beside her.

"Don't tire yourself out too much. You'll definitely find a way," he said gently, missing her look of surprise as he turned to leave. They hadn't been talking much lately, as he'd been so busy with schoolwork and she only saw him in the morning, afternoons and on weekends now. Such kind words exchanged between them were becoming few and far in between.

"Jun."

He looked back at the sound of Shinku's quiet, mellifluous voice addressing him. Her eyes were soft; a look he'd been missing recently, and she had the steaming cup of tea cradled in her hands like it was made of precious glass.

"Thank you." The corner of her lips curved upwards ever so slightly in a faint smile, before she turned back to the television, one hand resting absentmindedly on an open page of her book. "Also…have a nice day at school."

For that, Jun thought as he joined Nori and Tomoe at the door, he definitely would now.

* * *

It had been almost a full year since the defeat of the fake eighth Rozen Maiden, Barasuishou, and everyone's lives had seemingly resumed their normal routines. Well, almost normal, mused Shinku as she sipped at her tea and glanced up down at her page.

After returning, Jun had continued to spend time studying at the library, until a month ago he decided he was finally ready to go back to school. It was to be his first year of high school, and whilst at first he had been hesitant despite Tomoe's encouragement, in the end it was Shinku who, as usual, finally convinced him to discard his fear.

Since he'd missed most of middle school; Jun had considered there really wasn't much point in attending the very last term. Instead he'd waited until the new semester and started in the same high school as Tomoe and Nori, the latter almost crying with joy when she realised that she'd finally be able to walk to school with her brother like she'd always dreamed.

Of course, whilst finally being able to go back to school was rather nice (he was now able to avoid that demonic Suiseiseki more easily now), it wasn't without its disadvantages. For one, he was still unused to getting up so early after spending so much time just lounging around at home. As well as that, Shinku had told him quite sternly she still expected her regular serving of tea at least once in the morning and in the afternoon, if he was not to be at home during the day.

It was very hard work fitting everything into the twenty four hours of the day he was given – juggling school, making tea, homework, yelling every five minutes at Suiseiseki (and lately, Kanaria too) and carrying out Shinku's orders, which were no less demanding than they had always been.

The fifth doll herself was not idling aimlessly about either. She had taken Rozen's word very seriously, and had devoted herself entirely to seeking some way to restore Hinaichigo and Souseiseki's Rosa Mysticae. A brief and rather awkward meeting with Suigintou had confirmed that the first doll was not in possession of either, and endless hours of wandering through the N-field had failed to turn up anything.

On top of this, Shinku was churning through every scrap of information about the Alice Game and the Rozen Maiden she could find. She had even started watching less and less Kunkun shows. Every few days she would instruct Jun to borrow certain books from the library, and she had even taken up searching on the internet using Jun's computer in her relentless search for knowledge. Still, even after a year, she was getting nowhere. The internet and few books about the Rozen Maiden she could get a hold of told her no more than what she already knew.

Sighing, Shinku drained the last of her cup and rubbed her temple wearily, a dull headache nudging the back of her head. She'd been staying up late these past few nights, reading through several new books she had seen about whilst browsing the net. Searching the vast endlessness of the N-field too, was a tiring task, especially since Jun wasn't with her to provide her with a direct source of power. She winced as the shattering of glass, followed by a loud crashing sound reverberated upstairs.

"OHOHOH! The great and almighty Suiseiseki has – _awww dammit_, he's not here!"

It would be interesting to note that at this exact moment, a kilometre or so away, Jun felt a shiver run down his spine and he had the oddest feeling that his bedroom window was no longer in its frame. It couldn't be…_her_…

Shinku set her book aside with a sigh and walked over to the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the Gardener bursting out of Jun's room, glass shards sprinkling off her hair and clothes, and stood pouting with her hands on her hips.

"Hello, Suiseiseki."

"Hmph. Is the chibi already gone, Shinku?"

Another sigh.

"Obviously."

"What a rude chibi, desu! Not even waiting for me to greet him in the morning. Is he my medium or what? I should teach him a lesson or two about manners. Honestly, he's so obnoxious."

Shinku smiled up at her sister, not fooled for a single moment.

"Are you missing him, Suiseiseki?"

The Gardener started to blush furiously and almost tripped down the stairs as she spluttered denial.

"O-Of course not! Good riddance, I say! It's so much more peaceful without him around and…and…I can do whatever I want! Hahahaha…" she trailed off as Shinku arched one perfect eyebrow.

"Ok fine, I'm just disappointed because I fully had an entrance speech and everything all worked out and now he's gone off to stupid chibi school, I can't see the look on his face when I smash my case into his head."

"Have you ever considered, perhaps, that is exactly why he takes pains to avoid you?" Shinku joined Suiseiseki at the top of the stairs and peered into Jun's room, surveying the damage. His much-abused window was, as usual, scattered in pieces all over the floor.

"Can you not find some other form of entertainment? Perhaps some choice of amusement that does _not_ involve my having to waste power fixing broken glass?" said Shinku as a red glow illuminated the room and she directed the fragments of window back into place.

Several kilometres away in some other part of town at the gates of his school, Jun felt the medium's ring grow warm and he gritted his teeth, muttering darkly under his breath. "Damn, evil doll _again_…"

"How are the Shibasaki's?" enquired Shinku as she and Suiseiseki settled themselves down on the couch. Nowadays, Suiseiseki alternated her time between Jun's house and the old watch-maker's; ever since Souseiseki's departure Suiseiseki had taken it on herself to ensure that she kept the elderly couple company in her twin's absence.

"Oh, they're doing all right. They miss Souseiseki, though. I think I might take her along with me tomorrow," said Suiseiseki, gently stroking her twin's head, which lay in her lap. Shinku nodded, and resumed studying the book she had been reading earlier.

"All hail! The smartest of the Rozen Maiden has successfully – OOMPF!" The newly arrived Kanaria, who had just entered through the unlocked sliding door, found her mouth occupied by the large fluffy cushion Suiseiseki had launched across the room with deadly accuracy into her face.

"Ding-ding! Bullseye!" Suiseiseki punched the air triumphantly. Much to the Gardener's annoyance, Kanaria visited them almost every day straight after Micchan went to work, and even sometimes had dinner with them on the days that her medium had to work late. In light of Hinaichigo's absence – the sister with whom they both would have normally enjoyed quarrelling with – both Suiseiseki and Kanaria had begun something of a turbulent, volatile and rather violent rivalry of their own. They argued almost incessantly, driving Jun mad and once even prompting Shinku to threaten a hair-slap if they didn't cease 'that infernal noise'.

Still, Shinku considered as she watched Kanaria tear the cushion savagely from her mouth and yell a furious insult at Suiseiseki, the whole affair with Barasuishou and the past year had brought them somewhat closer together – all of them, Suigintou included; even though nowadays she rarely saw the first doll unless by chance they came across each other in the field of N.

Those thoughts only seemed to remind her more of her obligation to find some way to end the Alice Game, and the need to revive Souseiseki and Hinaichigo. The absence of the two dolls was like some unseen scar that marred everyone's thoughts. Though all of them had managed to deal with it in their own way, Shinku knew that both dolls were still sorely missed, and they would continue to be for as long as they were gone. The enormous responsibility rested on her shoulders, and it was a burden she had decided she would carry to the very end. She wouldn't rest until her sisters opened their eyes again.

Sighing, Shinku rubbed at her forehead once more as another headache threatened to rise. Though she would never admit it, she was finding herself being more and more affected by Jun's absence every day. She had thought that she would hardly mind if he wasn't around the house, but his absence had left a much larger gap in her life than she'd expected even though he came back home every afternoon.

She hardly spoke to anyone anymore now that he wasn't around – both Jun and Nori were away for the entire day. She cared little for Suiseiseki and Kanaria's verbal stoushes and they, likewise, were often too preoccupied with each other to engage with her unless it was to resolve another petty dispute. It was a while before she realised that his unsettling feeling growing in her chest was loneliness – just the pure need, a simple desire to be around him the way she used to, and the feeling only grew more uncomfortable as it ruffled her pride to think that she could be so influenced by his presence, or rather, the lack of it.

Trying to block out the distractingly shrill voices of Suiseiseki and Kanaria firing off at each other, Shinku frowned in concentration and re-immersed herself in her book. She became so absorbed in reading that she momentarily forgot that Jun wasn't around and held her cup out distractedly, eyes still glued to the book.

"Jun, go fetch me some more tea."

There was a hesitant silence as Suiseiseki and Kanaria ceased their verbal assault and both turned to stare at their sister. Shinku's head snapped up as she realised her mistake, and she frowned down at the cup in her hand.

_Why did I just say that? How could I forget that Jun isn't at home?_

"Ohhhh…" drawled Suiseiseki, after a few moments. "Oh oh _ohhh_…"

"What?" the fifth doll snapped tersely, her eyes flashing with irritation. The Gardener slapped a hand on her hip and waggled her finger in the blonde's face.

"I get it now, Shinku…I _get it_ now, why you've been so boring and quiet and depressed lately."

"Depressed? Since when have I been depressed?"

"Oh, come on, even Kanati agrees that you've been moping around all day lately."

"It's Kanaria!"

Suiseiseki ignored the green-haired doll and instead leaned in close to Shinku with widened eyes.

"You always have this gloomy look on your face, you hardly _ever_ smile anymore…well, I suppose you never do usually anyway…and you don't talk to anyone either!"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you have been talking about," said Shinku, her tone and face carefully neutral.

"Awww, pish," Kanaria snorted. "You've constantly got your nose buried in some book or disappearing off along into the N-field without letting any of us come along with you, and you're even starting to get sleep deprivation."

"As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Kanabana just this once – "

"KA-NA-RI-A!"

"– Shinku, you are _so _totally having withdrawal symptoms, and I think you know why," Suiseiseki smirked, like she'd just discovered the ultimate purpose of life. "Looks like I'm not the only one who misses the chibi."

Shinku's eyes hardened and she thrust her teacup at Kanaria.

"You. Go and make me tea," she commanded, her tone frosty.

"Shinkuuu…" Suiseiseki sang, shuffling up close to the blonde on the couch. "How much longer are you going to be in de-nial~?"

"I'm going to Jun's room." Shinku said shortly, snapping the book shut and tucking it under her arm, before marching up the stairs, face tight with irritation. Suiseiseki decided to take that as a sign of victory.

It looked like there was someone who was missing Jun even more than she was.

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**Mmmm...wish I could have made that better. Please read and review! I'll try update soon as I can ;P**


	3. Chapter 2: Verlorene Puppe

**It feels like there hasn't been much activity on this site lately. Or maybe that's just me. I should really stop slacking off. And I know this chapter is probably really weird, disjointed and awful! But I was writing this on and off and I had some other problems to deal with too, so please don't kill me too much!**

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**Die Lebendsliste**

**Chapter 2 - Verlorene Puppe**

_**Lost Doll**_

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_You will find as you look back upon your life_

_That the moments when you have truly lived_

_Are the moments when you have done things_

_In the spirit of love._

- Henry Drummond -

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"Miss him…" Shinku muttered darkly under her breath as she climbed up onto Jun's bed. "I don't. I don't miss him. It's not like he's that _important_…" She realised with a twinge of irritation that she'd lost her page. In a several thousand page book, no less. Her day was really just getting better and better.

"…just a medium…_I_ don't care…for me…to miss him? Utter rubbish." Shinku continued to murmur, more to convince herself of it than anything else. She found her page and tried to concentrate on a passage, something about the physical anatomy of dolls, but her thoughts kept wandering and she soon realised she was reading the same sentence over and over again.

Making a small noise of frustration, she heaved the book aside and fell back onto Jun's bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling. Under normal circumstances she would not have even considered adopting such an unladylike pose or exhibiting such an inelegant gesture, but right now there was no one around to watch her moment of weakness. Suiseiseki's words echoed through her mind like the headaches she seemed to be getting more frequently lately that simply refused to go away.

_Looks like I'm not the only one who's missing the chibi…_

_How much longer are you going to be in denial?_

_Denial…_

"There was nothing there to deny in the first place," said Shinku aloud. Her voice cut through the air like a blade and was swallowed up by the stillness just as quickly; it almost actually made her wince. The starkness of a lonely sound in silence. Downstairs, she could hear the muffled yells of Suiseiseki and Kanaria squabbling again. Hearing them together, their voices piling on top of each other into a confused, jumbled scuffle of noise, only made Shinku feel even lonelier than she already was.

Shinku had realised some time ago, though it only fully sank in now, the distance that was growing between herself and Jun ever since he'd returned to school. It wasn't that she resented it – she had honestly believed it was for his benefit. Jun was looking happier and more confident with every passing day. No, she was simply regretful of the fact that it seemed the more normal his life became; the more she seemed to not belong. It was ironic – the life she had helped play a part in rebuilding was becoming one where she didn't feel she fitted into. After all, he was a human, with human things to do, a human life to live. And she was a doll. There were so many things she missed out on. So many things that seemed impossible for her.

What can a doll do compared to a human?

That awful pang was rising in her chest again – the desire to just speak to someone, to vent everything she was keeping bottled up inside; her fear, anxiety, worry, frustration…Shinku had considered more than once before, about confiding in Suiseiseki. She wasn't particularly close to Kanaria, and Suigintou was obviously entirely out of the question. Shinku had always interacted more with Souseiseki than her older twin, but she was still quite friendly with Suiseiseki.

It was almost sad, in a way, but Hinaichigo's absence had made Shinku realise the childish sixth doll was the sister she had really been the closest to (not counting what had happened between Suigintou and herself before they'd started hating each other). It had always been Hinaichigo hiding behind Shinku's back, Hinaichigo running to Shinku for protection, Shinku telling Hina not to play with her food, sit properly, stand up straight, don't sit so close to the television, act like a lady…

But Hinaichigo was gone, as was Souseiseki, and unless she found out how to bring them back, how to end the Alice Game…

That feeling of detachment was pressing down like some great weight upon her. She felt utterly isolated. This loneliness was unbearable – it was stifling. It filled her up until she was ready to burst, and surrounded her until she could barely breathe. Abruptly, Shinku sat up, blinking away tears that she hadn't even realised were there. She bit back a sob, desperation building like a tidal wave over her head. Sooner or later it would crash down and she would break. She would snap. She needed Jun, needed his presence to reassure her, but he wasn't here.

Shinku wasn't quite sure what made her do it; perhaps she was just on the verge of a breakdown, but before she knew it, in a blur of movement and semi-panic, she found herself tearing downstairs into the storage room and standing in front of the mirror. Breathing shakily, she reached up with a trembling hand and traced a path to nowhere with her fingers along the reflective glass. Willing herself to calm down, she leaned her forehead on its cool, smooth surface.

Little by little, her breathing steadied and she was able to straighten up. Her reflection gazed mournfully back at her, cheeks moist and slightly reddened, her fringe ruffled and tousled. A sight she was indeed, Shinku thought, for someone who always took pains to look prim and proper. She almost felt ashamed.

The surface of the mirror suddenly rippled like a falling pebble disrupting a still pond. Shinku stepped back, tensed and ready for the possible attack, which never came. Instead, two bright balls of light appeared and floated in the space beyond the doorway to the N-field. Upon closer observation, Shinku realised they were in fact two vividly glowing stones, surrounded by haloes of spiralling light. There was no mistake about it; they were Rosa Mysticae.

_Souseiseki…Hinaichigo…_

She felt a surge of excitement wash away what remained of her nervous breakdown. Without a second thought, Shinku had stepped through the mirror and entered the N-field. It was completely dark and empty, a wide expanse of absolutely nothing but pitch blackness, save for the two shining Rosa Mysticae that floated in mid-air above her. Her fingers tingled with anticipation as she reached out for them, and she could almost hear the hum of energy that radiated from the sacred stones.

A sudden whooshing sound caused her to swivel around, barely dodging a vine that came whipping out of nowhere. She didn't even have time to recover before another vine shot out and almost struck her from behind before she cut it down with a quick swipe of her cane. Frowning, Shinku summoned Holie, though its light was unable to permeate very far, and peered warily into the black nothingness that surrounded her.

"Hinaichigo?" her voice almost seemed to absorb into the emptiness. She glanced down at the hacked vines at her feet. No, these were definitely rose vines – thicker and carrying thorns. Hinaichigo was a user of strawberry vines. This was the doing of some unknown entity. Shinku glanced up at the Rosa Mysticae out of the corner of her eyes and gripped her cane tighter, steeling herself for an attack.

"Show yourself!" she called sharply. An odd giggle broke through the silence.

"Show yourself…" a strange, soft voice imitated her mockingly. It was disconcerting, seeming to originate both from a distance and right beside her at the same time.

"Who are you?"

"Who am I?"

The back of Shinku's neck tingled, as if whoever the voice belonged to was breathing right down her back. She jumped and whipped around, but she could see nothing but darkness. There was another whooshing sound and before she could register what was going on, several rose vines whisked out and lashed around her, binding her tightly in an iron hold. Her cane dropped from her hands and clattered down onto an unseen ground. She gasped for breath as she felt a pressure start building all over her body; the vines were slowly and inexorably crushing her.

"S…stop…" Shinku rasped breathlessly. Another silvery giggle sliced through the air and suddenly, a girl melted out of the darkness right before Shinku. The fifth doll's eyes widened at the strangely familiar figure.

"B-Bara…suishou?"

Certainly, the girl looked exactly like Enju's fake maiden, but even whilst being painfully choked by rose vines, Shinku realised this was not the Enju doll. She had snow white hair, as white as Suigintou's, and was clad in a softly ruffled dress of the palest pink and white. However, it was her eyes that inexplicably drew Shinku's attention, mainly because she had only one. Her single left eye was a tawny yellow colour, shining unnaturally and flickering with disturbing shadows. The other eye was absent; instead, in her right socket rested a white rose. It quivered slightly, sending a chilling shiver down Shinku's back.

"Bara-suishou." The girl simpered, the corners of her lips sliding into a twisted grin.

"You're…not…" Shinku gasped, breathing with great difficulty. The white-haired doll disappeared in a blink, and reappeared just as suddenly right in front of her, their noses almost touching. Shinku tried desperately to back away from the doll's piercing yellow gaze but the vines held her tight. She felt sick staring at the rose from such a close proximity; unlike Barasuishou's, this was no eye patch.

"I am Kirakishou…" the white doll's eerie smile widened, her tongue running across her lips. "…seventh doll of the Rozen Maiden."

"Th-the _true_…seventh?"

"The true seventh," Kirakishou echoed. She flashed out of sight again, and before Shinku knew what was going on, she could feel the seventh doll's breath against her neck, her voice sweet and poisonous all at once, whispering in her ear.

"That's a nice body you have. I want it…want it _so very much_. Won't you give it to me?" she broke off into a silvery giggle. "We're sisters, aren't we? Be a nice big sister and give me your body…let me make it mine…"

Shinku shuddered as Kirakishou wrapped her arms around her waist, white hair spilling over her shoulder and mingling with her own blonde locks as the deranged doll leaned forward. She tried summoning rose petals but Kirakishou flicked them lazily away as if they were nothing but irritating flies. She tried twisting and squirming out of the vines that held her but they merely tightened painfully across her chest and arms.

"Let…go of me…" Shinku could barely get the words out, the vines were constricting as if to squeeze the very life out of her, the thorns dug sharply into her arms, legs and wrists. She yelped as Kirakishou clutched the back of her head with one hand and snapped it back.

"I'll take my time and enjoy taking this body from you, _dear sister_," Kirakishou purred dangerously. Her hand hovered above Shinku's chest as if about to plunge into it and dig her Rosa Mystica out by force.

"N-no…" Shinku squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the unbearable pain throbbing through her torso, legs, arms…thorns stuck like daggers into her wrists and ankles, one vine was slowly tightening around her neck, she was going to break, snap, crumble to pieces…

_Why, when I need you the most…_

_You're not even there…_

_Not even close…_

"Jun…" she whispered, not even trying to hold back the tears that rose behind her closed lids. It was futile, of course. Even with his exceptional power, she couldn't draw as much of it if he wasn't physically there with her in the N-field. She wasn't going to last long.

_Jun,_ she pleaded silently, _come and save me…_

_Please…save me…_

Of course he would be come. He was her medium; he'd sworn to protect her. If she called, he would come no matter what, wouldn't he? Without fail, he will…

"JUN!"

* * *

Kirakishou blinked. One minute her fifth sister had been clutched in her arms, the next, she was gone.

_Falling through the rabbit hole._

She screamed, angry at first, sending deadly, heavily thorned vines whipping out in all directions. The two Rosa Mystica briefly shimmered and melted away into the darkness. Kirakishou watched them go and stopped, arms falling limp by her sides, lips curving upwards. A gurgling titter soon turned into a bubbling giggle, before she threw back her head and laughed out loud. Wild. Crazed.

Despairing.

* * *

At the same time she screamed, Shinku felt herself suddenly falling through empty space and landed heavily on hard, cold ground. She blinked her eyes open and stared up into a miserably dark, cloudy sky. A church spiral jutted into the edge of her peripheral vision and as she sat up shakily, the rose vines that had been wrapped tightly around her body fell limp to the ground. She stared around at the now-familiar ruined city she appeared to have suddenly fallen into – the broken windows, crumbling buildings, dank cobblestones…it was Suigintou's N-field.

_How…did I get here?_

Shinku hurriedly got to her feet, keeping an anxious watch for any signs of Kirakishou, but it seemed however she had arrived here, the seventh doll hadn't followed her. A new voice from somewhere above her cut smoothly through the clammy air.

"A loss is greater when the surrounding ties are truly sought."

Her head whisked upwards as her eyes fell on the anthropomorphic rabbit standing on the edge of a crumbling rooftop. Shinku's eyes narrowed.

"Laplace no Ma. Are you the one behind all this again?"

The white rabbit's face shifted imperceptibly, something that was the equivalent of a smirk.

"Ignorance is the mother of suspicion. For how long will a lost child stumble blindly before it realises it must first open its eyes?"

"I do not have the time to be fooling around with your useless riddles, rabbit," warned Shinku, her voice low and dangerous. It was quite obvious now that Laplace had been the one to send her through one of his portals. Why he'd taken pains to rescue her was beyond her knowledge, but she could very well deduce from the consequences of Barasuishou affair that whatever reason he had to save her probably wasn't much better than Kirakishou's intentions. Laplace leapt gracefully off the rooftop and stood directly above Shinku in mid-air.

"Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle," The demon rabbit's red eyes glinted with mischief. "Perhaps someone will give you a match."

He held his hands out, and two bright pinpoints of light appeared in each, growing larger and righter until Shinku recognised them, with shock, as Souseiseki and Hinaichigo's Rosa Mysticae.

"Your answer awaits you in the field of N. That you will find it is of no doubt. The true question…" Laplace's smirk seemed to widen. "…is if you will seek it." With that, he gave a sweeping bow and disappeared through a crescent-shaped gap.

_Answer?_ A deep foreboding stirred within Shinku's chest as she gazed for several moments longer at the spot where Laplace had vanished. _Answer to what?_

She had a funny feeling that deep down, she already knew.

* * *

By the time Jun returned home from school, it was quite late. For a few days each week at school he'd had to stay back shelving books at the library, or studying with Tomoe and some other classmates. Thanks to Tomoe's encouragement (well, she _was _class captain – again) he was slowly feeling and becoming more and more comfortable at school, and recently he'd been offered several invitations to stay over at a few places.

"Jun's getting very popular these days, isn't he?" Nori had said as they'd dropped Tomoe off on the way home.

"Of course. He's a nice guy, after all."

Blushing, Jun hurriedly pushed Nori on.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not right here," he grumbled, ears turning a bright shade of scarlet. "Bye, Tomoe."

When they'd finally gotten home at around seven thirty, he'd walked into the kitchen to find a messily scrawled and much-scrunched up note on the table.

_SCREW YOU._

Ah, that Suiseiseki, charming as always. As if right on cue, the said doll's case came crashing through the sliding doors in the living room in a spectacular shower of leaves, twigs and broken glass.

"Where is he, desu?" The lid of the case flung open to reveal an incredibly cranky Suiseiseki. She flew over to Jun, the edge of her case colliding nicely with his chin.

"OW! You maniac doll, use the door for once! And don't you know how to brake that thing?"

"You!" she jabbed an accusing finger in his face. "_You_…do you know _how long_ I waited for you to get home? Do you _know_? Hasn't Shinku ever told you it's _rude _to keep a lady waiting? I left Grandpa and Grandma all alone at home today, and you're not even here when you're supposed to be!"

"I couldn't help it, I was helping Tomoe and some of the others shelve books in the library!"

"I'll shelve _you_ in a minute!" hissed Suiseiseki, aiming a punch at him. She missed and almost fell out of her case, lunging to catch Souseiseki slumped over with her arm dangling alarmingly over the edge.

Taking advantage of the momentarily distracted Gardener, Jun managed to escape upstairs without any further confrontation. As he walked into his room, he found Shinku sitting on his chair at his computer desk. She was fast asleep, her head resting on her neatly folded arms as she leaned on the huge book from earlier this morning like a pillow. Jun sighed and fussed over her quietly, gently brushing back a few stray strands of hair.

"Geez," he muttered. "I told you not to overwork yourself." Despite that, he couldn't help but let slip a small smile as he watched over her slumbering form. Her expression was much softer and sweeter when she was sleeping, Jun thought, studying the doll's face. He almost regretted having to gently shake her awake.

"Shinku…wake up."

"Nhhnn…" her eyes blinked open slowly, a dull, almost greyish blue instead of their usual clear sky colour. It took her a few moments to focus on Jun's face before she managed to pull her features into a glare.

"You are late," Shinku pronounced, trying to sound sharp, but her voice was weak and her movements sluggish.

"I was helping Tomoe at the school library."

"It is almost a quarter to eight," said Shinku, struggling to stifle a yawn. Weariness overpowered her, however, forcing her to give in for once, sucking in a big breath of air. "I do not particularly care what you are doing outside of this house but missing my tea in the evening is inexcusable. Now hurry up, I wish to sleep some more."

Jun stared. He had never seen Shinku yawn so blatantly before; she deemed it an 'inelegant' display and barely ever showed one in front of him.

"Shinku, I told you not to overdo it…"

She hissed, actually _hissed_, a flicker of irritation crossing her face.

"I wasn't!"

"Then why are you half-dead with exhaustion?"

"That's because I – " Shinku stopped abruptly, biting her lip. A shadow stirred in the depths of her eyes as she turned away, not meeting his eye.

"What?"

"Nothing. I am going to bed. Goodnight."

"What happened?" Jun grabbed her shoulder, his voice rising. There was _definitely_ something wrong with her today.

"Nothing you should be concerned with!" Shinku snapped back with a ferocity that shocked even herself, angrily slapping Jun's hand away. She seemed to look almost sorry for a moment before she took a deep breath and resumed her usual expressionless bearing, but her eyes were still dark and turmoiled, her voice was tight.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I just…spent too long in the N-field today. I was being careless." She jumped down from his chair and opened her case. Jun sighed, knowing that if she didn't want to tell him, there was no way he could make her.

"You know you can only last half an hour without me there. Be careful, Shinku."

She didn't reply. He sighed again; never quite able to understand his doll's unfathomable mood swings. Well, he supposed, she would tell him when she was ready.

"Fine then, suit yourself. I'll come up with your tea." Jun glanced back at her, hoping she would respond.

Shinku had her back to him, one hand holding up the lid of her case, the other hanging limply by her side. Her head was lowered; her shoulders sagged and her whole body seemed to droop with weariness. Her petite frame seemed even smaller and more fragile than before, prompting a surge of emotions to rise in his chest – that indescribable urge to protect.

"Jun."

He paused, hand resting on the doorknob. He couldn't see the teardrops on her cheek, didn't see her hand trembling slightly as it clenched up a fistful of her dress. She wouldn't let him see it. But he could hear it – something, something in the tone of her voice.

Shaking, wavering, faltering.

Tired, resigned.

Sad.

"Please…come home earlier tomorrow?"

* * *

**Arrgghh...yes, I know it's bad, very bad...but then I've kinda been out of it lately...so have mercy ;_;**


	4. Chapter 3: Geschäft mit dem Teufel

**I finally got round to updating this one...I feel like it's been dragging...anyways, sorry I couldn't update earlier, but at least this chapter's longer! I was busy last week since it was my birthday last Saturday and I had parties and other things going on. So yeah. This story might not be sounding so good now but it'll get better as it goes on. Hopefully...;_;**

* * *

**_Die Lebendsliste_**

**Chapter 3 - Geschäft mit dem Teufel**

_**Deal with the Devil**_

* * *

_You will find as you look back upon your life_

_That the moments when you have truly lived_

_Are the moments when you have done things_

_In the spirit of love._

- Henry Drummond -

* * *

"What's wrong with her?"

"Shut up, chibi Kanipana! You're too loud"

"It's Kanaria!"

"I don't care! Move over, desu! I haven't got any room!"

"You're the one who suggested this hiding spot in the first place!"

"Are you saying this is my fault? This whole spying thing was your idea, you chibi-poop!"

Shinku sighed, rolling her eyes as she was distracted once again from the television screen, on which was the afternoon Kunkun special. Through her peripheral vision, she could see the two pairs of bright eyes watching her from underneath the couch next to the one she was sitting on. Lately, both her sisters seemed to have undertaken a covert mission to spy on her every move. Unfortunately, since 'subtle' was a word that didn't seem to be in either of their vocabularies, their antics were far from unnoticed.

"Move your big butt, desu!" Suiseiseki hissed angrily, completely failing to keep her voice low. "You're so fat!"

"What? Oh, you _so_ did not just say that, kashira!"

Sighing again, Shinku reached for the remote, her expression flat with disinterest, and switched off the television as the end credits of Kunkun came rolling onto the screen.

"Honestly, will you two keep it down? When will you stop squabbling like spoilt children? You are going to give me a headache."

At this, both Suiseiseki and Kanaria crawled out from their hiding spot under the sofa, Kanaria looking sheepish, Suiseiseki sporting an indignant pout.

"She's the immature one," she said sulkily, to which Kanaria retaliated by bonking her neatly on the head with her parasol. As another screaming match was now, without doubt, bound to develop, Shinku decided it was probably wisest for her to leave the room now unless she wanted another splitting headache. She traipsed wearily upstairs, considering for a moment if she should resume her book-reading binge, but decided against it and instead climbed drearily into her case. She lay there in the dim space for a while, staring blankly ahead with unseeing eyes. Her chest ached dully, a feeling that, these past few days, had become a constant presence she'd almost grown used to.

Without even realising it, she inadvertently drifted off and found herself sitting in a stately room, furnished with a muted elegance – her own N-field. Shafts of dusky golden yellow sunlight fell softly through the windows, illuminating the ornately gilded chairs and table with a mellow, aurulent glow. Rose petals stirred gently on the ground, several fluttering down from somewhere on a non-existent breeze.

Upon the table sat a cup of tea, rich reddish brown in colour. A single petal floated down with a kind of lonely dignity and settled the liquid, barely disturbing its surface with tiny ripples as she picked it up to her lips. The field was serene and tranquil, but if one was to look carefully, you would see that the petals falling all over the room were wilting and drying, and if you were to glance out the window, you would be able to see the dark smudge of clouds gathering in a fading golden sky.

Shinku sighed, the soft rush of air the only sound to break the muffled peace of the room, only to catch her breath sharply when she realised someone else was there, standing no further than a few metres from where she was sitting. As the figure shifted slightly with a rustling sound, Shinku could see a flash of pale, whitish-pink, and found a single tawny yellow eye gazing solemnly back at her as Kirakishou, seventh doll of the Rozen Maiden, melted out from the shadows, standing exactly where Suigintou had once stood upon returning after her defeat. She tensed, wary of the other doll. Kirakishou hadn't attacked yet, but if she did, the fifth doll did not think she could win, even in her own territory.

"My, my, that's not the proper way a lady should greet her guests," the white-haired doll observed mildly, a far cry from her behaviour the last time they'd met. Shinku tilted her chin up slightly in defiance, fixing her sister with a frosty glare.

"What do you want with me?"

Kirakishou giggled simperingly, the rose in her right socket trembling. Her laughter died down as quickly as it had come, replaced by a look of languid boredom.

"You needn't worry, I won't attack you this time," she raised an eyebrow as if in amusement. "I promised Laplace that I won't break his toy before he even has a chance to play with it."

Shinku's hand tightened on the arm of her chair as she recalled the mysterious rabbit's enigmatic words from yesterday. She steeled herself, trying to sound more confident than she felt.

"Get out."

Kirakishou continued as if Shinku hadn't said a word.

"Poor thing," she purred, slowly and deliberately advancing on the crimson doll. "The lonely child reaches out hopelessly for that which she knows can never be hers...there really is nothing sadder." Shinku's fingers clenched around the handle of her teacup; she hadn't even realised she was still holding it.

"Cease this nonsense."

"Pitiful. How pitiful...as a doll that could become Alice...pathetic indeed." Kirakishou sighed, her single eye glowing with derision. "But you know, dear sister, I could help you. I could put you out of your misery..." The white doll moved another step closer, crushing a rose petal under her foot.

"I won't be duped by this tomfoolery. If that is all you have to say, then kindly take your leave now," Shinku warned in a low voice. Kirakishou's lips split into a dangerous smile, the white rose quivering eagerly in its socket. She took another purposeful step forward as just in front of her, an image of Suiseiseki dissolved into being, her hands on her hips.

_"How much longer are you going to be in denial?"_

The fake Suiseiseki blurred and fizzled out of existence, only to be replaced by two other figures, indistinct at first, but soon recognisable and Jun and Tomoe. They were holding hands, laughing, embracing...

_"How can you even compare to Tomoe? How can you even compare to a real human? A real person?"_ the image of Jun sneered with such a look of disdain that seemed impossible to ever appear on his face. _"I don't need you. You don't mean anything." _

"S-stop it..." Shinku whispered, her hands shaking.

_"You are nothing but a shallow imitation of life. A fake existence,"_ hissed 'Tomoe'.

The tea cup Shinku was holding dropped from her grasp, shattering upon impact on the ground, sharp and harsh in the hushed softness of the dignified room. Shards of glass flew everywhere, littering the plush carpet like shining crystal tears against the stain of deep, dark red left by the spilt tea. The apparitions of Jun and Tomoe vanished, as if cut off abruptly.

"It is beyond your reach. No matter how long you wait, how hard you try, what you desire..." Kirakishou flickered out of sight and reappeared suddenly right in front of Shinku. "...these hands will never touch. These sad, cold, lonely doll hands..." she clasped the blonde's trembling fingers in her own.

"Do not touch me." Shinku's voice came out as a strangled whisper.

"As you are now, it is useless to hope. It would be better for you to give up. Surrender to despair. It doesn't matter, doesn't it? After all, you're only a doll. Cry all the bitter tears you want, in the end they hold no meaning. What are a doll's tears but mere drops of water? They cannot contain sadness or pain, for a doll cannot feel. That is what humans do. There is so much these little hands cannot touch..." Kirakishou held Shinku's hand to her cheek.

"There is so much that you, a doll, even as Rozen Maiden, cannot ever even dare to reach..."

"That's...not...I can...I am not 'just' a doll."

"Hmmm? How truly pitiful...you who believe you are not just a mere doll, yet not a human. What are you then? Something in between? No, you are lost. You stumble around blindly, a stranger even to yourself."

"You do not know me."

"You do not know yourself. How much longer will you allow yourself to be left behind? A doll is destined to be discarded once its existence has been tired of."

"Jun...would never do that..." whispered Shinku, tears gathering in her eyes.

"You're already losing him."

It was only a single, simple statement, but it was enough to hit her hard like a physical blow.

_Why, when I need you the most, you're not there..._

_Not even close._

"Even so..." Kirakishou continued slowly, "humans easily forget the toys they once loved. But if you were to also be human..."

Shinku's eyes widened at the implications Kirakishou hinted at so deviously. "That's enough!" she interrupted, her voice trembling slightly. She rose to her feet in one brusque movement, pushing Kirakishou away angrily, blinking the wetness from her eyes. "I won't stand for this nonsense any longer."

"I – no, we – can help you. He can show you a way...Laplace – "

"Get out of my field. I don't want...that," Shinku hissed, sounding more certain than she felt.

"Of course, in exchange for something...wishes do not come without a price...how much are you willing to gamble? Would you bet everything you have? Would you take the chance of losing everything? Or gaining everything?"

"Leave. _Now_."

The white doll fell silent for a moment before tittering delicately.

"If that is what you want, then I shall oblige. But remember this, Shinku, fifth doll of the Rozen Maiden; the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing...and becomes nothing."

* * *

When Shinku returned downstairs late in the afternoon, Suiseiseki and Kanaria were once again, not surprisingly, bickering ferociously. This time though, the object of their clash was the ringing telephone.

"Hurry and shut it up! It's so noisy!"

"Why don't you, ya lazy pig? You've just been sitting there all day doing nothing, desu!"

"Who're you calling a pig, kashira?"

"Oh stop complaining, you whiny little chibi brat!" Suiseiseki handed Kanaria a rather ominous looking hammer. "Here, go and give it a few bangs with this."

"You idiot, we're not supposed to do that!"

"Oh, okay then, Little Miss Smarty-Pants, what do _you_ say we do?"

Kanaria had opened her mouth to initiate an indignant retaliation when Shinku marched across the room and picked up the phone, glaring exasperatedly at the two of them.

"I believe the traditional course of action is to _pick up _the telephone and _answer _it," she said witheringly. It was times like these that Shinku found Souseiseki sorely missed.

"Hello? Shinku? Suiseiseki?" Shinku stiffened slightly at the sound of Jun's voice, but managed to reply calmly.

"Yes?"

"Oh, Shinku. Right. I was worried no one would pick up. But it's alright now."

"And what is your purpose for calling?" She tensed even more as she heard the sound of laughter – Tomoe's and several other unknown people – over the line. Shinku could already vaguely imagine what Jun was about to tell her, and she inadvertently tightened her hold on the phone as the image of Kirakishou's apparition of Jun briefly rose in her mind.

_What are you compared to a real human?_

"Well?" she snapped, sounding harsher than she intended.

"Ahh, umm...I'm really sorry Shinku, but I'm going to be home really late tonight, we have this project that's due by the end of the week and we're not going to get finished in time, so..." Jun trailed off, sounding awkward and uncomfortable. Shinku paused for a few moments, completely still.

"Nori's gone to a sleepover tonight, so you'll be alone for a bit. I'll call a pizza delivery for dinner and tell them to leave it outside so you and Suiseiseki can just pick it up...Shinku? You still there?"

"Tea."

"Huh?"

"What about my tea?"

Jun groaned.

"Oh come on, you can go just _one evening _without it, right?"

Suiseiseki and Kanaria ceased their fighting momentarily as they watched Shinku twist the phone cord around her fingers as if to snap it.

"Oi! Anyone there?" Jun voice crackled through the receiver when there was no answer. "Are you sure – "

"We'll be fine." Shinku said shortly, and slammed the phone down on the receiver without even waiting for an answer. "You two get the pizza when it arrives. Nori is at a friend's house for the night and Jun will be home late."

Suiseiseki and Kanaria stared at their sister as she strode stiffly across the room to the couch. The television flicked on, and Shinku stared expressionlessly at the screen with unseeing eyes.

"Wait, didn't you make him promise to come home early tonight?"

The blonde stiffened and they watched curiously as she picked up the remote and distractedly switched through the channels, before answering curtly.

"No. Obviously not."

* * *

She waited up for him the first night, and the second night after that, sitting up late reading through volumes of books and articles, but somehow it made it worse rather than making her feel better. Even so, what she hated the most was what she saw as her own selfishness. She hated herself for resenting what he obviously enjoyed – spending time with his friends, humans.

Surely but slowly, Shinku felt as though she was descending into oblivion, as if she'd lost sight of the purpose of her existence. Suddenly, it was as if she was asleep even in awakening. She might well just wind down; in her current state she decided she would feel little loss. It frightened her almost, just how much she no longer cared. Time dragged on, the days trickled by in a long, slow, inexorable river of monotony.

The next Wednesday, he came home so late she had already fallen asleep by the time he snuck back quietly into the house.

On Thursday, he didn't come home at all, and she woke up late in the morning alone on the couch to a coldly empty house.

By Friday week, she didn't even bother waiting up for him anymore.

She lay alone at night haunted by visions of rose vines, a glittering yellow eye, a single white rose and whisperings in her ear like a deadly secret that refused to be forgotten.

_You're already losing him._

* * *

"What's this, I pay you a rare visit and you don't even have tea set out for me."

Shinku blinked, once, twice, before she fully realised what was happening. Suigintou stood before her, arms folded, a dark scowl upon her features, reluctance written plainly all over her face.

"Oh." Shinku's brow creased faintly. "Suigintou."

The silver doll peered more closely at her. Suigintou didn't usually see Shinku very often but even so, she could see there was something very...off about her today. Her normally sharp gaze was listless, her voice dull, her eyes were a cloudy, lacklustre, dirty grey-blue instead of their usual clear azure, even her hair seemed to have become faded and lost its usual sheen. The normally posture-perfect fifth doll drooped like a wilting flower. Still, Suigintou cleared her throat and pressed on.

"Fortunately for you, I haven't come to fight today – "

"I have made it clear several times that I have no intention of fighting you ever again, not now or any time in the future." Shinku glanced across at her sister. "How is your medium faring?"

"Hmph." Suigintou looked away, but Shinku didn't miss the softened expression upon her face. "Fine. Going in for a heart transplant in a few weeks."

"That is good to hear."

Even after reaching a somewhat uncomfortable truce of sorts, there was still clearly much tension between the two sisters. Suigintou herself was not against coming to reconciliation with Shinku and the remaining sisters; it was mostly her stubborn pride that really prevented her from moving on any further with them. Still, she supposed, it was better than fighting them and possibly killing Megu in the process. Suigintou had already done what she'd wanted to in a long time, admitting to Shinku that she'd never once lost the hatred she felt towards her.

Surprisingly though, once she'd vented her feelings, she found that the fiery rage, the pain that had built up over the centuries subsided and melted away almost immediately after. Suigintou still maintained that she hated Shinku, but she could at least now hold a civilised conversation with the fifth doll without feeling the urge to drive her sword through Shinku's heart.

Shinku sighed, breaking the momentary silence that had settled between them, and took a sip of her tea.

"Won't you sit?" she gestured to the empty chair on the other side of the table. Suigintou obliged, still hesitant with reluctance. After another awkward silence where neither of them seemed to know what to say, the silver-haired doll slapped her hand impatiently down on the table and growled.

"Alright, that's it. What happened?" she rolled her eyes at Shinku's failed attempt to look confused. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't act stupid, Shinku." Suigintou glared into her lifeless eyes – they'd always been a brilliant blue; a vivid sky colour. In the heat of battle, they blazed like flaming sapphires. Now, they were closer to the hue of bluish-tinted dishwater.

"Nothing has happened." Shinku's eyes flickered away down to the cup of tea cradled in her hands. "Everything's fine."

"Oh, pshh, _sure_ it is." Suigintou folded her arms across her chest and turned her head to the side, frowning and looking completely unconvinced. She chewed her lower lip for a second, as if deliberating something, before turning back to Shinku. She was scowling again, but she looked almost embarrassed.

"Y-you can tell me, you know."

"What?"

"Urgh." Suigintou grimaced at having to repeat something which obviously caused her much mortification.

_Why the hell am I doing this? For her?_

"I said, it's fine telling me what's wrong. It – it's not like I'll judge you or anything. Besides, I'm bored, so just...talk to me. We're not fighting anymore and...and..." she gulped, as if what she was saying was incredibly difficult for her to spit out. "Like you said, we're sisters, aren't we? So, you know, as your older sister I can..." Suigintou trailed off, muttering indistinctly under her breath.

Shinku gaped across the table at the silver-haired doll, her eyes widened with shock. She would never had expected Suigintou to be so surprisingly supportive, especially since they were only just barely getting over several odd hundred years of boiling enmity. It just went to show how really determined Suigintou actually was about setting things right. Well, Shinku supposed, it was only fair that she returned this act of goodwill. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad confiding in the first doll. That was, after all, what elder sisters were supposed to be for, wasn't it?

She hesitated for several seconds, troubled shadows flickering across her eyes, and it was several minutes before she finally opened her mouth to speak slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"Suigintou?"

"Huh? What?"

"If...if you...well, hypothetically speaking, what would you do if there was something you wanted very badly, something you wanted really desperately, more than anything else in the world, and...someone offered to give it to you, but...at a terrible price?"

Suigintou seemed surprised for a moment that Shinku was actually asking her, but she mused over the question seriously.

"How bad are we talking about?"

"Everything. If, in the worst case scenario, you could lose everything," came the hushed reply.

"And how much does this...'something'...mean to you?" Suigintou sounded slightly suspicious. Shinku's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Everything," she whispered. "If it meant everything to you...what would you do? Would you risk everything you have now...to gain everything?"

"I think...if you bet everything you had on something that means everything to you, then what you gain is much more than that," said Suigintou, looking Shinku in the eye.

"It's about knowing you have the guts and courage to put all you have on the line for the sake of something that means a lot to you. It's about the satisfaction of knowing that you tried your hardest to achieve it, even if the chances of you winning are a million to one. At least you'll know you were fighting until the end, that you were living with a purpose that was meaningful to you."

Shinku stared at Suigintou as the other doll rose to her feet with blazing magenta eyes.

"To be honest, I don't know why you even have to think about that, Shinku. Have you forgotten?"

"Forgotten?"

Suigintou seemed to flinch slightly as she recalled what she and Shinku had once been, before she discovered the ugly sting of betrayal. "You were always telling me...back then. To live is to fight. Fight to the end, even if you already know that only death awaits you."

"S-Suigintou..."

"Yes?"

Shinku seemed to struggle for a moment, before she settled on some resolution, the familiar gleam returning to her eyes.

"Thank you."

The silver haired doll merely nodded and turned to leave, seemingly done for today. The air was less heavy around them; perhaps, one day, Suigintou thought, she might be able to smile at Shinku again. Perhaps, given time and patience and this kind of unspoken trust. After all, Suigintou was one who knew best of all how much you had to sacrifice to succeed.

"If there's one thing I've learnt thus far, Shinku, it's that sometimes you have to risk going too far...to see just how far you can go."

* * *

Darkness in all directions, as far as the eye could see. Or rather, couldn't see, as indeed, Shinku couldn't make out very much at all, even with the bright red light provided by Holie. Carefully stepping deeper into the blackness, her shoes clicking on an unseen floor surface, Shinku peered about, searching for signs of the mischievous white rabbit she was seeking.

"That impertinent rabbit is most probably just toying with us," she murmured to Holie, who pulsated several times in approval. "Laplace!" Shinku's voice echoed off an invisible surface.

For a moment, nothing happened. Shinku was about to call again when the demon rabbit appeared himself, stepping elegantly out of a slit in the middle of the air above her. He bowed with a flamboyant wave of his arm and twirl of tailcoats.

"I do not believe I need to say it aloud for you to know what I am here for, Laplace no Ma," said Shinku, gazing warily up at him. Laplace merely chuckled and tilted his head to the side.

"Why of course."

"And you say you can grant this hopeless wish of mine?"

"Nothing is hopeless. We must hope for everything." Laplace's whiskers twitched, as if he was trying hard not to smile. His red eyes glittered, though Shinku couldn't tell whether it was with anticipation or malice. She sucked in a deep breath of air.

"Name your price."

"Money is time, time is money."

"How much?"

"One turn of the four seasons. That will be as much as your body can handle, if the path runs its correct course."

Shinku hesitated, knowing this was her last chance to turn back. She could run away now, and leave everything safely as it was. Safe, yes, but miserable. Would she live a lifetime of misery, or make a gamble on the chance of finding what she was looking for?

"I accept."

Laplace bowed, his mouth now splitting into an expectant smile.

"I will ask once more, before I send you on your way. Is this the path you wish to choose?"

"Someone once told me; one must lose sight of the shore to discover new oceans."

"Well spoken. Perhaps for that, I will give you something more." From the darkness surrounding the anthropomorphic rabbit, two bright orbs of light melted into existence, hovering around his head. Shinku froze with astonishment. Laplace was actually returning Souseiseki and Hinaichigo's Rosa Mysticae of his own accord?

"Now, watch as the child who wanted to touch the sky is given wings to reach the stars. Watch as the fickle wind carries it along the dawn of a new horizon. Will it soar freely above the clouds, or will it fly into the sun, through a storm, crash into the ground? Will it rise unchecked, or will it fall? Come now, let us watch; the doll that made a deal with the demon."

A blinding white light grew from the centre of Laplace's cupped hands, expanding and growing brighter until Shinku found herself blinded by its dazzling intensity. Pain broke out abruptly all over her body, in the joints of her arms and legs, and her chest hurt; it was burning, burning with such an intense, agonising heat that seemed to consume her whole.

_Always, I've been afraid._

_Afraid of losing the things that are dear to me. Hope, happiness, love...but now I realise._

_To know fear and danger, to risk it all for something that holds a meaning..._

_Even if I lose, it will be worth it,_

_For I will have lived and loved far beyond any dream._

* * *

**Yes, I'm very, very sorry if that chapter was confusing and you didn't get what the hell I was going on about. You can blame it on me for not explaining it better. I was trying for the 'indirect' approach where something is implied so the readers can basically just conclude what is going on. But I'm yet to fully master that particular fine art. So yeah...**

**Hopefully the next chapter gets better and not as all-over-the-place...**

**Thanks for reading~! XD**


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